Telling & Chilling!

So what do all these guys have in common?



They are Sponsors of the 17th Annual Arab-U.S. Policymakers Conference. Now I am REALLY worried!

(Thanks for the poster, Isa)

India 2: Getting there ... "The Prequel"

(Well, if George Lucas can do it, so can I. Only, he claims to have had a plan, while I have to admit the truth: I just plain forgot to write about this in the excitement of coming home.)

First, an apology is in order to those who may have been encouraged by my implying that the visa is, generally, easy to get and ventured forth themselves. No, I am not backing out of the earlier statement. It IS easy to 'get' the visa ... but I realize I should have been clearer about how complex it is to apply for one!

First off, the old visa forms have changed but are still available through touts and the new breed of electronically-equipped munshis who sit near various key points (e.g., passport/visa offices). Don't go there! You'll get your form back from the embassy because it's the wrong form!

Secondly, our neighbouring country - the well-known IT giant - does not provide visa forms electronically (online). Not for Pakistanis, anyway. Not even instructions on what other documentation we need to send with the forms, such as the official translation in English, notarized, of the applicant's NIC card.

(Karachiites - this is best done at one of the desks near the Soddy Embassy. There may be other spots, but that's the one I know. Stand there, yourself, to get it done (unless your driver is literate enough), or you'll have errors on several lines, specially in terms of names being spelled wrong. They go by phonetics and believe in the entirely misunderstood concept of spelling proper nouns any which way.)

Thirdly - and the most important matter. Throwing all progress to the wind, the Indian Embasy wants the forms typed. YES. You heard right. Not 'typed' as in the way some forms in the USA state, where "Type your name clearly" is accepted to imply that you need to write it clearly in block capitals. But "typed", as in through the use af a device some of you may be old enough to remember: A Typewriter!

This is the honest truth: A whole bunch of 6-7 year olds in one of Karachi's schools in Clifton could not recognize the above piece of equipment (an old Remington) I showed to them. I got comments from "It's a real old keyboard" to questions like "Where do you connect the Monitor?"

Unable to locate a typewriter and in order to save time, we (=Sabeen!) had to reconstruct all of it at a stationery shop, using a PC and CorelDraw!!! The air was blue with her cusses, causing some customers to ask if she was related to Ardeshir Cowasjee (a whole lot better than thinking she was Ardeshir, in drag) ... but, eventually, it was done in a jiffy (if you look at time from the point of view of Allah). Oh alright, it took ~3 hours!

Don't tell me there are easier ways in which we could have tackled it at home, using basic IT gear. Let me explain. Scanning was made difficult by the fact that my home scanner does A4, max. And the forms are Legal Size. I know I can use Photoshop to join partial scans and then buy the right sized paper and print on both sides, using manual feed (the auto-trays in mine are also A4!). Actually, someone had kindly sent us a scanned form, but in a damned format that lost in translation across applications and operating systems.

We printed all the sheets out. Photopcopied them and sent them off to hte courier services, only to be told that (well we should have seen that coming) that the front and back of the forms could not be on separate stapled sheets. So that part was rectified through a photocopier close to the courier service and the papers re-signed and sent off the next day. Whew.

To end on a pleasant note: The visa fee is a very affordable Rs 15 only. Peanuts. 23 of them, to be specific. (That's how many I got for 15-bucks at the Lahore Airport recently.)

(Postscript: I have discovered, now, when helping Nuzhat fill in her forms, that the guy who does the NIC thingy outside the Soddy Embassy, also types in Indian Visa forms and, in 2-3 iterations, gets everything right! I am hoping, of course, that by the time I head that way again the senior citizen's facilities will have been implemented and I will be able to get my visa on arrival. I just hope I am not expected to carry my own typewriter along.)

I tried, but it was hard to not post this

I swear I am not well enough to post as frequently as I seem to be doing. I had promised myself some rest after the two previous posts - written in fairly quick succession despite some decidedly 'off' Lebanese Lamb Kebabs laying me low, but I opened today's morning paper and am now not sure about which session of my gripes was worse.

A full 2-page 'Special Supplement' (which is a misleading euphemism for an advertisement) glared at me and, given how venomous I feel about the way the school system is taking people for a ride, I just had to rush to my Mac.

How confident would you feel sending your child to a school that claims it will help her achieve "Excellence in English Language" when its own ad is full of errors of spelling and grammar. And the offender is not a new fly-by-nighter but a school that has been around for years.

In addition to being unable (or, infinitely worse, not caring) to spell or write correctly, my dear "Experienced AMI directresses", school-owners and administrators, you also have the temerity to make meaningless claims. Your ad states, for example, that "ONLY [your school] has ... ONE OF THE most spacious ... etc., etc.", which is kinda absurd. ONLY means ONLY!

As for the other ONLYs, I am sure that many schools could challenge the statements if they'd just take time off from doing much the same. For crying out loud, how can you be the only school that has 'an extensive library'? Or any of other things you claim uniqueness about?

I sincerely suggest that, unless it's a Boarding School, you get rid of the "24 hour doctor" you have and invest in a simple Grammar and Spelling Checker if your computer did not come loaded with one.

One humble request, though: In a society where nothing seems to have remained sacred, I would plead with you to not invoke in future ads - merely for adding credibility to your school - the names of the great institutions that your community has bequeathed to my city. (And, in any case, pidaram sültaan bood has no real substance.)

In closing, I apologize if this feels like a personal vendetta ... but it's not about you. You just happened to have been the straw that broke the camel's back (one that was already aching from the after effects of food-poisoning). It's about what has become of all schools today. When announcements for admission dates (and even that was not a practice that good institutions followed) become competitive 2-page ads (and even radio-spots), when more money is spent on advertising 'fully carpeted, computerized and airconditined' premises - a common sight on hoardings today - than on the quality of education and staff development, hype and drivel will obviously become the norm.

If, as you claim, yours was a great school once (though I am unable to guess from the ad who its 'deliveries' were), perhaps you should re-visit that time and see what put your institution in a league that was, then, "synonimus" with good education. We could do with a good school, here and there ...

India 1: Getting there...

Part of the pleasures of a Drik Partnership are the meetings held twice a year in a South Asian country where everyone gathers to discuss the plans and the future of this interesting concept. The meetings, themselves, take up the days, but the evenings are what provide an opportunity to mingle, make friends, take in the social life, and relax - away from one's work at home. The meeting that Sabeen and I attended last week was in Calcutta (now Kolkata), about which Ghalib eulogized and from where my mother and I had begun our long journey to Pakistan in 1947 - a tale that will also feature, for other reasons, in this series.

I have visited India (read Delhi) several times in the past few years as a member of SAF and SAHR, as well as under the b.i.t.s. banner  in the role of New Media consultants to Tehelka, whose courageous exposé of the Gujarat massacres has been a landmark in journalism. (I have even been to India for medical treatment - a trip full of anxiety and worse, as you can read in my Archives.)

Each trip, India has been a breath of fresh air (however hackneyed and clichéd that sounds). This time, though, I noticed a few differences from the past trip, but more about them later.

Since the first question I get asked most often by my friends in Pakistan is "How easy or difficult is it to get a Visa?" ... I thought I'd start this multi-part series by a post on travel to India and what precedes it.

I shall leave aside the Diplomatic & Government visas, with which none of us are really concerned - since our only link to those is what we pay for some rectoid to take a free, meaningless drinking and shopping trip at our expense. Business visas, with proper invitations from those you are going to meet, as well as Conference visas (for most legit conferences) are not a problem. Courier them your visa application and in a week or two you should be ready to go. Even genuine multiple entry visa requests are entertained without a hassle as are Medical Treatment related ones. I say all this from personal experience. But YMMV.

I am told that visas for visiting blood-relations are not difficult to obtain, especially if the request involves a death, near-death, or marriage --- and reasonable documentary evidence supports it. From talking to an Immigration Official (who was over the moon at the fact that he and I shared a birthplace, Aligarh) I learnt that this category is a dwindling phenomenon as the partition generation on both sides dies out.

The really sad/bad part is that Tourist Visas are O-U-T ... so we cannot really experience India's vastness and variety to which some of us have deep links and others are constantly lured by Bollywood's on-location shoots. There are numerous promises of liberalizing these arrangements between the two countries. In fact, I have been waiting, ever since I became a Senior Citizen, to be able to arrive and get a landing permit at an Indian airport, as promised. 

Speaking of airports, let me be clear about one thing, though: Unless things really change radically, it cannot be just any Indian airport! The visa application form states that the only points of entry permitted are Delhi and Mumbai. The chatty Immigration Official also informed informed me that Bangalore had now been added and would be reflected in the new forms "as soon as we finish the old stock. But we still have lots of them left, I think. Heehee".

Detour: Reminded me of my visit to Pakistan's Embassy in the UAE, when a cousin of the Late and Unlamented General Zia was the Ambassador. It was way after we'd "recognized" Bangladesh and, yet, there - glaring at visitors from behind the Ambassador's desk - was a map of 'East Pakistan' on the wall. The Ambassador's assistant told me that they were waiting for the arrival, "any day", of a "replacement frame with coloured pictures" ('coloured' highlighted by a toothy beaming smile), leaving me looking as dumb as my Islamic Republic's Ambassador who arrived, just slightly tipsy, to start his workday. But I digress.

With our meeting - this one was being held in Kolkata (the city that was home to Mother Teresa) - scheduled to begin on a Friday, it meant: (A) We had to travel via Mumbai or Delhi; (B) We had to travel on a Monday, since the only other flight out of Karachi was on a Saturday (not an option, unless we missed the important opening day). Considering that Drik was unlikely to be able to support our 4-day sabbatical by landing earlier at Kolkata and pay for 2 hotel rooms, this meant a lay-over at one of the two cities. Choosing Dilli was easy: Friends! Family! Familiarity!

I do not know about the arrangements at the two other airports (or, for that matter, in Pakistan with regard to Indians landing here - since we compete heavily in the idiocy department), but if you are traveling to Dilli for the first time, when you hit the Immigration Hall, do not head for any of the counters in a rush to get out soon! Take a look towards a line that's forming on the extreme left side (comprising mainly of those who've been stung before). There's no sign that tells you what it is, so ask the guy ahead. This is where you pick up an additional form that you are to fill in triplicate before you present yourself before a not-so-foreign-looking official behind the desk. The first time I encountered this, a few years ago, they'd run out of 'carbon paper' (anyone remember those things?) so I had to fill 3 different copies, while I wondered why I was going through this older-than-analogue routine in a country well-known for its IT prowess. That aside, it still stumps me as to why they do not hand these forms out, along with the landing card, on the flight itself. (Two trips ago I did make the mistake of suggesting this at the desk and was met by this Socratic response: And what we should do on this desk after?)

Note: "Assistance" in filling the forms is now available. Just a Tip ;-)

OK ... that hurdle crossed, you are now at The Immigration Desk. Breathe a sigh of relief. Like most immigration officials - barring a few nasties at some Western airports, particularly post-9/11 - you are generally met politely. And, if your accent reasonably matches that of the person behind the desk - or if, perchance, you are someone returning to visit your ancestral home (or the official happened to have migrated from Pakistan) - you could be there for minutes on end exchanging niceties and memories of where each of you lived before partition while the people in the line behind you cursed 1947 under their breaths.

One final word of information: I am sure this holds good for both sides of the border (I request any Indians who have travelled to Pakistan and - are reading this - to write in the Comments box and confirm or deny this for the benefit of readers): You can only exit from the point of entry (a law that may make sense in some acts but not necessarily in one relating to travel). This meant, in my particular case, that having arrived by way of Dilli, I could not leave India from Kolkata - a really annoying matter, because on my way back home I would have loved to have flown out via nearby Dhaka and met my daughter there. In fact, had Kolkata been a 'point of entry' option, the Karachi-Dhaka-Kolkata return journey would have saved almost 1/3rd of the airfare and four days!

Try as I might, I see no method in this madness. Will it ever end? Who knows? Hopes rise and fall each day.

I am a trifle old-fashioned, I guess ...

While I sort of pride myself on not just how accepting I am of change but on how much I try and do to add to its pace, I admit to being guilty of conservatism when it comes to certain matters.  Among them, are the writing standards that I expect from newspapers. Lately, the quality of writing, as of everything else, has become so bad that it has added to the reasons which have weaned me away from the habit of starting the day with the morning edition of The Daily Yawn.

I agree with some of my friends that desi English (though it occasionally grates my sensibilities) is as legit as, say, American English, but I do believe that neither should be considered acceptable when poorly used in professional work.

Had bad writing been a crime, time was when the correspondent who filed the following (and who calls himself a scribe. How quaint!) would have been 'held' instead of the concert he reported upon.

This excerpt is from a business paper and probably speaks the language the majority of its readers do  ... but, to be fair, it deserves to be thanked that it reports on such matters at all in its effort to forge some links between Cents and Sensibility

Enough said!

Help change this!

Guess he's got exactly what it takes!

He's going to be a PM who will not be a yes-man, the papers inform us. Joy! And such good tidings on Pakistan day? Double joy!! And, once again a PPP PM. Another hurrah!

Getting away from the mysterious [d]rift[s] of the other Makhdoom - I was eager to find out more about the man who seems to have the blessings of a diverse group that features the socialist-turned-rightwing PPP, the rightwing-posing-as-centrist conservative PML-N,the progressive ANP, the indefinable but most definitely secular MQM, and a roly-poly Maulana.

DAWN featured a profile that said the following about him:

• Mr Gilani was the first elected chairman of the District Council, Multan. He defeated the local government minister Syed Fakhar Imam, some 25 years ago.

• In the 1985 non-party elections, he was elected MNA and became the minister for housing and railways in the cabinet of Mohammad Khan Junejo.

• In 1988 elections, he defeated the then Punjab chief minister Nawaz Sharif on PPP ticket.

• In 1990, again on a PPP ticket, he was elected an MNA after defeating Makhdoom Hamid Raza Gilani, a former federal minister. In 1993, he defeated Malik Sikander Hayat Bosan and later became Speaker of the National Assembly.

• Mr Gilani contested the election in 1997 on a PPP ticket, but the party did not win a single seat in Punjab.

• He was jailed in 2001 over charges of misuse of his authority by giving jobs to undeserving people in the National Assembly Secretariat when he was the speaker.

• He spent six years in jail and could not contest the 2002 elections. During his detention, he also authored a book, ‘Chaahé Yusuf Say Sadaa’.

• He was made the senior vice-chairman of the PPP in 1998.

Not extra-ordinarily impressive, you'll agree, even if we include the (purposefully?) ignored honour: He was a member of Zia-ul-Haq’s Majlisé Shoora. I think we could list many others (in all parties) with similar records, give or take a bit.

Ahhh ... I missed the whole point, in my rush, by scanning quickly through the real qualifications that Pakistanis must be made to value. The 8 qualities above were sandwiched between the far more important qualifications:

• Yusuf Raza Gilani is a member of an influential political family of Multan and a Syed, to boot!

• His father was a signatory to the Pakistan Resolution.

• His grandfather and paternal uncle had been elected members of the legislative assembly in the 1946 elections.

• His great-grandfather was both mayor of Multan in 1921, a member of the Central Legislative Assembly of India, served as a member of the assembly from 1921 to 1936, and was known as the father of the Indian Assembly.

• He is also related to Pir Pagara, the head of PML-Functional.

(I wonder if an extra flag on his car can have a shield with the phrase 'Pidaram Sultan Bood' embroidered on it.)

Oh well ... The Presidential Palace may not be getting a fresh coat of paint ... but, at least, the PM house is getting whitewashed!

"Shame! Shame!"

That used to be a cry in Parliaments when there were still politicians who could feel some shame! What does one shout out now that we have blatantly shameless caretakers in power? Does the interim PM (the former Chairperson of the Senate) believe that the epithet meant he could use the office to 'take care' of himself for life (and beyond)?

Issued by the Prime Minister’s Secretariat (public) wing and addressed to the Senate Secretariat secretary: “Reference Senate Secretariat’s u.o. No.F.9(13)/2007-Estt., dated 26 December 2007 on the subject.

1. The prime minister has been pleased to approve the facilities/privileges for the former Chairperson of the Senate (elected), as per following:

(i) Exemption from taking out licenses for possessing up to three prohibited bore and six non-prohibited bore weapons.

(ii) Access to state/govt guest houses, rest houses and circuit houses in the country free of charge for self, spouse and dependent children (accompanied & unaccompanied).

(iii) Pick-up and drop facilities at all Airports in the country for self, spouse and dependent children (accompanied & unaccompanied) with protocol coverage by the provincial govts/Northern Areas/AJK in their respective areas and by the Cabinet Division/Senate Secretariat at Islamabad/Rawalpindi. Protocol coverage/Staff Car to be provided also during travel by road outside Headquarters, if required.

(iv) Detailment of a staff car by the respective governments for self, spouse and dependent children during their visit outside Headquarters throughout Pakistan (accompanied & unaccompanied) and by Cabinet Division/Senate Secretariat if chairman and his family visit the federal capital, if they reside outside Islamabad.

(v) Services of Private Secretary, security guard, driver and a cook [!] for life time.

(vi) Free medical aid for life time in Pakistan and abroad subject to approval by the Medical Board for self, spouse and dependent children.

(vii) Diplomatic passport to self, spouse and dependent children.

(viii) Special security arrangements for chairman and his family either on his request or by the federal government on its own accord taking into account the circumstances past and present.

(ix) Free installation of telephone at residence and payment of charges for its use up to Rs 5,000 per month or such higher amount as the federal government may determine from time to time.

(x) Issuance of ASF passes for self, spouse and dependent children with endorsement of Apron at all Airports in the country and two Apron passes for staff.

2. The above privileges/facilities mutates mutandis shall apply to the widow/dependent children of the former chairperson.”

"#@&%! #@&%!"

Apnay hee paer par külhaa∂ee maarna ham say seekho

Here's what one site has to say about the Pak-YouTube Fiasco:

Pakistan removed from the Internet
Posted by Richard Stiennon
Categories: State Sponsored Hacking
Tags: YouTube Inc., Pakistan, Internet, Internet Service Providers (ISPs)

The telecom company that carries most of Pakistan’s traffic, PCCW, has found it necessary to shut Pakistan off from the Internet while they filter out the malicious routes that a Pakistani ISP, PieNet, announced earlier today. Evidently PieNet took this step to enforce a decree from the Pakistani government that ISP’s must block access to YouTube because it was a source of blasphemous content.

I cannot let the irony pass with out commenting. A religious state, Pakistan, identifies a content provider, YouTube, as the source of blasphemous, seditious content and orders, King Canute style, that the Internet tides be stopped. A zealous ISP ignorantly decides the best way to comply with the decree is to re-route all of YouTube’s IP addresses to whatever site they thought was more appropriate. The first repercussion was that YouTube disappeared from the Internet for almost an hour. I suspect the second repercussion was that Pakistan’s Internet access crawled to a halt as all of a sudden they were handling IP requests for one of the busiest sites in the world. As of this writing YouTube has announced more granular routes so that at least in the US they supercede the routes announced by PieNet. The rest of the world is still struggling. So, while working on a fix that will filter out the spurious route announcements, PCCW has found it necessary to shut down Pakistan’s Internet access. The leadership of Pakistan just created a massive Denial of Service on their own country.

I could say: “be careful what you wish for” to those elements that object to free and open access to information and expression of ideas. But to put it in terms they might understand better: Do not anger the Internet gods or you will suffer their wrath!

------

Many many years ago Aslam Azhar - a friend I admire and respect - as head of PTV, 'allowed' the broadcast of a music show that showed a pop concert and taubah, taubah an audience in which boys and girls actually performed obscene gestures, such as sitting on their seats and waving their arms in the air, in full view of the public. The pure in the land were horrified. After all, this was no simple prank, like the abduction of political opponents, or jirga-ordered rape, or the naked parading of women on the streets by feudal enemies, or enhancing political power and personal wealth by supporting the USA's outsourced torture program whose victims were from countries including Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia and Sudan, and included children as young as seven!!!

'What next?', everyone wondered, with their twin virtues of nationalism and religiosity simultaneously under threat by bared wrists.

A few days later I happened to be visiting Lahore and heard that Aslam was going to be 'put in the docks' by people during a discussion forum at Jang's office. Off I went to hear him defend his promotion of such lewd actions. I shall always remember what he said at one point, rather coolly, during the other side's display of hotness: "In years to come, if we go down the path some people are suggesting," he predicted, "we will not just be a nation that chose a different track, we will be considered - and become - a different species!"

That time, dear Aslam, is fast approaching!!!

==============================================

30 minutes later

Update and Clarification: PCCW has been identified by Richard Stiennon, above, as "The telecom company that carries most of Pakistan’s traffic". This indicates that other telecom routes may still have remained operative and Pakistan not entirely cut off. While one friend reports successfully accessing the 'Net from his Blackberry from Lahore, a techie from Pakistan has responded to Stiennon's article stating that he is being able to access not just the Internet but, surprisingly, also YouTube from his computer.

That's really confusing.

Can someone put the entire episode into a non-techie jargon and provide a link here?

The last laugh?

Just got this from a friend in Isloo:

Dear Internet Users

Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (www.pta.gov.pk)has directed all ISPs of the country to block access
to www.youtube.com web site for containing blasphemous web content/movies.

The site would remain blocked till further orders from PTA. Meanwhile, Internet users can write to
youtube.com to remove the objectionable web content/movies because this removal would enable
the authorities to order un-blocking of this web site.

Best Regards

Manager
Technical Assistance Center
Micronet Broadband Pvt. Ltd.
Islamabad

Well...

Voting: A Right or A Duty?

"There is no Compulsion in Religion", says the Qur'an ... so should there be one in Voting?

One reason why I have waited until the end of the Election Day to write this is that the responses, if any, will hopefully not be emotionally charged after the event. Another is that the matter has been already discussed in several other fora, including the popular ATP.

Well, I did not vote!

There. I've said it. And with no idiots screaming at me without even listening to my views. (Yes, I do have a point of view!). As I write down my thoughts on the subject, I am aware that some are probably a little more than loud-thinking. A few are well-formed; others continue to hang before me as questions that, perhaps, some of you will help me answer. So, please do comment. A request: Don't just tell me I am wrong, tell me why and where.

The first problem I faced when trying to make up my mind about voting or not was to understand why I was voting. I mean it's not an act in itself that has to be done (unlike defecating) but what the process leads to, na?

So I needed to analyse what the criteria would be for my giving my vote to someone, if I were to cast it at all. It was obvious that it was not the person whose picture appeared on the posters: after all in the case of some of the images on the banners, they were not even of the people who were standing ... for example, MQM's Altaf Hussain ... or PPP's Benazir ... or PML(N)'s Nawaz Sharif).

This meant that I would eventually be casting my vote for the symbol that was assigned to a party or to an independent candidate. Naturally it did not depend upon whether I liked the Icon, itself, but what the party stood for. In other words, I needed to check out their manisfestos. Never mind whether they stood by these in practice; that's another track. At least I wasn't going to vote for someone whose very vision of Pakistan or the shrinking world was the antithesis of mine! So the manifestos, specially in some of the key areas - and on issues important to me - had to be clearly different among the parties.

(When buying a house, one tries to choose the one that most closely meets one's needs ... which is not the same as 'choosing the lesser of the evils', a really stupid idea that seems to have been promoted by idiots! You can alter the house to some extent, later, but what do you do to the corrupt political rep you've placed in power? To use another analogy, when you marry, do you choose a person because s/he is the lesser evil or the best possible match? Is there no difference?)

The manifestos (not all were easily available or, when found, even readable) had to be abandoned for another reason: They were being abandoned by the parties themselves! While coalitions between parties that think somewhat alike are fairly normal in politics, to see almost all the parties align themselves with any and everyone is nothing if not making a mockery of the voters. The PPP strikes a deal with PML(N) nationwide, but supports a PML(Q) candidate in Karachi. PML(N) - despite the ads put into newspapers today by PML(Q)'s Dirty Tricks Department - has decided to go with PPP, but how far? Asif Z has shown his willingness to work with Musharraf (who has been pointed more than one PPP finger at for possible complicity in Benazir's murder) and is anathema to Nawaz and company.

Even more confusing was the course MQM took: Having conveyed the impression, only a couple of days earlier, that they could be allied to the PPP - that's how the press interpreted the MQM statement that it could strike a deal with any secular party - chose to team up with Maulana Fazl-or-Rahman and his obviously secularly named Jamiaté Ulemaé Islam. So whose manifesto would I be voting for, regardless of which candidate I chose? A secular, working, middle class party or a Taleban-supporting mulla and his insatiable greed?

(Somewhere along the line my mind wandered off and I began wondering how supporters of Jamaaté Islami and Tehreeké Insaaf were supposed to perform their duty to vote, if their parties were boycotting the elections. And, if it is the citizens' duty to vote, shouldn't - by extension - boycotting the election also be considered dereliction of duty by a party?)

The biggest source of grief to me is seeing the ease with which the term "free and fair elections' has become acceptable to people. The election of a candidate, to me, implies a whole process and not just the transaction that takes place on the Election Day in a booth. As Muneer Malik explained clearly to his T2F audience, just yesterday, this involves the right people in positions of relevance (EC and other related institutions), an unbiased government, fair acceptance/rejection of candidates, easy and non-coercive access to voting, correct transmission of untampered ballot-boxes to the counting team, an honest count and announcement of results, and a just response to any objections that opponents may raise. If any of these processes are disrupted by someone with vested interests, it would be done with the intent of placing soeone else in the victor's seat than the person the voters had chosen. So, if the process is not 'free and fair', how is it an 'election', at all, and not a 'selection'?

An observation: Contrary to a view that seems to be popular among many, I believe that Elections are not the pre-cursor to Democracy. Elections have been held here before, and elsewhere, by Dictators and Despots ... with no sign of resulting Democracy except for a sham. It is Democracy that creates an environment which, in turn, makes Elections the method by which to place people's representatives at the helm of affairs.

Finally, I come back to the aspect of Voting being a Duty (Farz). Even assuming it is, there's something else to consider: Do the choices (of candidates) being offered really provide you the opportunity to make a satisfactory and sensible decision? Think: If you had to choose a travel companion and all you had to choose between were a murderer and a dacoit, would you not consider postponing the trip?

When duties are assigned, they are not unconditional. They are expected to be performed only if the conditions necessary for their performance are present ... or they can be safely ignored. After all, this applies even to duties assigned in the Qur'an: Surah 5 Ayat 6, for example, assigns Muslims the 'duty' of washing their 'hands' before prayers. Surely a man without arms (or with just one hand) would not be shunning his duties in not following it to the letter. 

Hmmm.

"There is no Compulsion in Religion", says the Qur'an ... so should there be one in Voting?

O' what a tangled web we weave ...

The conspiracy theories have only just begun.

What fans them? The general lack of credibility of all people in power is one element ... but it certainly helps when, in what looks to many as an effort to clear one's tracks, representatives of those in power make one statement, modify it, make yet another that contradicts the first ... and go on doing this ad nauseum. If you add to that, in the specific case of Ms Bhutto's killing, washing away all signs of forensic evidence (in much the same manner as the Lal Masjid evidence was destroyed, as General Durrani pointed out on a TV program today), people actually begin to wonder ....

Why don't they ever learn that Truth is best is beyond me. Maybe one needs to be a liar - or, at the very least, an actor - in order to become a spokesperson for all governments. But, surely, they can afford some seasoned ones, like Corporations do.

That who killed BB will never be known (with so many people gunning for her, as I had indicated in my modified MAD cover that now seems sadly ominous) was something I was prepared to accept - having been brought up on unsolved assassinations, from Pakistan's first PM Liaquat's to American President JFK's. But that we won't know what killed her has come as a bit of a shock, thanks to the government's bungling of everything.

Soon after the occurrence of what Air Marsall Asghar Khan rightly called the most dangerous event in Pakistan's history, we were informed that BB had received 2 wounds in her head and 1 in her neck from an assassin's bullets, shortly after a blast - which some referred to as a diversionary tactic - claimed several other lives in this great tragedy.

One can understand that the first reports are never absolutely accurate, since statements are given by people who are confused and in shock at the time. Slowly, though, clearer pictures begins to emerge. So I waited until the DAWN, in cold print, gave us the official Government version:

RAWALPINDI, Dec 27: An assassin’s bullet killed Benazir Bhutto on Thursday in what the government described as a gun-and-bomb suicide attack immediately after the former prime minister had addressed an election rally of her Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) at Rawalpindi’s Liaquat Bagh park.

Also, in the same paper was a report that described how the hospital had dealt with the emergency.

A REPORT sent by the Rawalpindi General Hospital to the Health Department of the Punjab provincial government said all efforts by its doctors to revive Ms Bhutto failed and she was declared dead exactly 41 minutes after she was brought at its emergency department at 5.35pm with open wounds on her left temporal bone from which “brain matter was exuding”.

It said the PPP leader was not breathing at the time and her pulse and blood pressure “were not recordable”.

The report said “immediate resuscitation (process) was started” and she was taken to the operation theatre where the same was done by a team of doctors headed by Prof Musaddiq Khan, principal of the Rawalpindi Medical College.

“Left antrolateral thoracotomy for open cardiac massage was performed,” it said and added: “In spite of all the possible measures she could not be revived and (was) declared dead at 1816 (6.16pm) hours.”

The report said a post-mortem examination of Ms Bhutto’s body was not carried out at the hospital “because the district administration and police had not requested the hospital authorities (for this)”.

So, after more than a day of assimilating this, dispelling feelings of disbelief, and coming to terms with the horrible reality, for many people around the world (including international TV newsreaders who found it difficult to hide their incredulity) Brig. Cheema's revelations came as a total surprise, just as did Dr. Musaddiq's earlier press conference changing his own story. (I am not sure if surgeons hold such press conferences, unless "requested" to do so by the authorities).

With a straight face - and after labouring repeatedly over the fact that the government had provide Ms Bhutto with the best security possible - the obviously not-too-straight Cheema sahab informed us that BB had not been felled by a bullet, nor been hit by a pellet or piece of shrapnel. She had, he alleged, died while trying to duck back into her vehicle from the sunroof through which she had stood up and waved to the crowd, hitting her head against a lever in the process. This injury had caused a fracture that precipitated in her death. He then proceeded to show us a video of BB - courting danger, without doubt - and the sounds of the 3 gunshots and BB disappearing down the opening. Of course, the actual moment of her hitting her head on the lever was not captured on video, but that's a minor detail for him, I guess. Like much else in this pre-fab construction of the fable.

The spokesperson underscored the new theory by waving printouts of X-ray images clearly indicating the absence of any objects (bullets, pellets, ettc.) that could have caused such damage and distributed the images to all present, as if the journalists would have been instantly able to verify anything by looking at them, much less that they were, indeed, those of BB's head. And when were the X-rays taken, I wonder. Certainly not as she was brought in ... they had to start on saving her life right away ... and certainly not after she passed away, which would have been quite pointless.

Also, there were a couple of minor problems which could, in all fairness, be results of genuine misunderstandings: (1) Dawn's Update quotes him as saying, “The lever struck near her right ear and fractured her skull ...” , while the earlier medical report talks about injuries on the left side, and (2) He stated that the family had requested that no post-mortem be performed, while yesterday's press information indicated that it was not performed because the police had not requested it.

One amazing aspect of the conference was his insistence to call the tragedy an Al Qaeda engineered 'assassination'. Hello?!?!? This is no time for being facetious, but I do wonder that - with no bullet or bomb piece involved - what assassination are we talking about? Did Al Qaeda plant the lever?

Someone suggested to me, when I brought this up, that 'the explosion startled her and caused her to move in a way that led to the accident that, in turn, led to her death'. Hmmm. I wonder if a court of law would establish through this Rube Goldbergian route that the guy who caused the explosion was her 'murderer'. I mean I can understand that he could be caught for disturbing the peace, malafide intent, vaghaerah vaghaerah, but for her murder? I doubt it. I recall a cricket match in which a spectator died of a heart attack when our delightful Merry Max (whom some of the older Urdu-reading ones among you may also recall as the character, Maqsood Gho∂a, of Shafiqur Rahman's humourous books) was bowled out at 99! By this stupid reasoning Max - or even the Indian bowler - could have been charged with a crime!

But Monsieur Cheema was not done yet. He then decided to offer proof of Al Qaeda's role in the 'killing' by reading us the translation of a Pushto transcript of a conversation between a Maulvi and Baitullah Mahsood (of the Al Qaeda) that our intelligence agencies had taped. Listen to it carefully when you watch the video of Cheema sahab's conference - as soon as it finds its inevitable way to YouTube. I am unconvinced ... and my skepticism is based on the following observations:
1. Neither party mentions who has been killed.
2. They seem to be surprisingly unexcited about having assassinated someone who, to them, must certainly be a major victim.
3. Baitullah Mahsood, who must know that his calls get tracked at times, provides information about who he is staying with, risking being caught.
4. The references to a killing in that call could be to any of the several that Al Qaeda are supposed to be engaged in. Even if the call can be proved to have taken place on the same day as BB's killing, there is no reason to believe that it was to her that they were referring. After all, there'd been another attack the same day.
5. The transcript of the Mahsood tape that's been handed over in English and is now on many websites has a phrase about "killing her". The actual video recording says "killing him" ... but Cheema has 'explained' in the conference that that was a mistake the caller made because Pathans get confused when speaking about gender. Yes, they do: in Urdu! But these two were speaking in their mother tongue, Pushtu, so there should be no confusion.

Since I could only assume that all these arguments presented by Brig. Cheema - especially those that dealt with the medical examination and reports - were full of more holes than a lawn-sprinkler, I decided to ask a neighbour, my friend Dr. Shamim. Over to him!

Clipped!

While in Lahore, I wanted to write a longish post for this blog. The internet was 'down' and the only PCs (aaargh!) I had acccess to did not have MarsEdit on them. So I thought I'd start using MS Word - an application that I used to be fairly familiar with until I banished the entire MS Office from my own Macs. I must clarify that I did so because my work no longer required any of its components and not - as some of you may think - in a fit of emotional rage (although I know that, deep down, having to use it for prolonged periods could have been a long-seething factor).

Obviously, when I'd had the Office Suite on my Mac, I'd configured my preferences the way it suited me best. The first thing to be thrown away after any installation of that bloatware over the years has been those annoying lil creatures that the designers (for want of a more suitable and printable word) at Microsoft think are 'cute' ... but on the computer I'd been allocated here, the damned Clippy, something I'd successfully erased from memory, popped up again and spoilt my mood. So the long post - one about a dear old friend and part-mentor, the late Asghar Gorakhpuri - will have to wait.

Oh ... for those of you who do need the Office Suite on your Macs (or are into Masochism), the new version promises to be really cool.

Marching orders

"Left-Right-Right-Right-Right-Halt!" goes the new marching call in my mind.

True Democracy (as much a figment of an idealistic imagination as The Truth) demands that Benazir Zardari, Nawaz Sharif, Qazi Husain Ahmad, Imran Khan, Fazlur Rahman, and General Musharraf be able to stand for elections. The scenario is frightening enough, even if the elctions are "Free and Fair". Add to that a caretaker government that's been taken care of and one soon realizes that, as a Pakistani, one is in a lose-lose situation.

Thinking of the above should be enough for most people who do not share their skin-thickness measurements with hippopotami to lose sleep over. But nothing, really nothing, ever seems to interrupt our stupor. It's alsmost as if we'd swallowed a whole bottle of Valium.

Just this morning I read the following on Dawn's Page #2 (though it was not deemed worthy of space on its Internet Edition, it can be seen in the ePaper version) :

ISLAMABAD, Nov 21: The federal government on Tuesday imposed a ban on open debate on media curbs, suspension of judges and emergency in all colleges and universities in the country.

Unbelievable! When places of learning cease to be - by law (a law promulgated by an 'independent' caretaker government, to be sure) - places of open inquiry and debate, things have sunk to the lowest of depths. Zia had turned our already-weak learning centres into platforms of indoctrination, discrimination, and horror. It had taken several years to see Reason begin, albeit with caution, to knock at those doors again. And now this!

I can imagine His Master's Voice advising, as it always does - primarily because we never tire of asking it for advice (See Manto quote below) - "I've gotten away in this country with a lot more - despite its tradition of perceived democracy. Surely you can do better!" ... And then the chorus of the Chosen Few chime in and chant Jalib's masterpiece: "Advisor" (quoted on an earlier post on my blog).

Aaargh. Where's that Valium?

Manto (Extract from Letter #5 to Uncle Sam)

One day my school-going niece requested me to draw the world map for her. I asked her to wait for a few days and let me inquire from my Uncle Sam which of the countries will disappear from the world map with the use of atomic weapons and which ones will survive. This will make my task of drawing the map easier.

Justice - Saudi Style

A rape victim was punished for violating Shoddy Arabia's laws on segregation that forbid unrelated men and women from associating with each other. She was initially sentenced to 90 lashes for being in the car of a strange man. On appeal, Arab News reports, the punishment was not reduced but increased to 200 lashes and a six-month prison sentence.

The 19-year-old woman was gang-raped 14 times in an attack in Qatif in the eastern province a year-and-a-half ago. The BBC has a report.

Sunday Rants

Yesterday I saw a sign that some young people were carrying at a 'flash protest' (a delightful peaceful-protest phenomena that lasts long enough to register an opinion but disbands quickly enough to not be infiltrated by elements that wish to turn every protest into an ugly event).

"WHAT THE FUCK?", said the tiny sign in red. I can understand their sentiments. They're young. They're confused. They're puzzled by the irrationality of recent events. So they are using a phrase that, along with its acronym, WTF, is commonly encountered on their most common forms of communication: Text Messages and Internet Chats. And let's face it: Expletives used at the height of frustration offer a darn sight more relief and peace of mind than even a spiritual invocation.

No 'officials' around stopped the kids from displaying that sign ... but that could be as much a sign of their 'tolerance' as of their 'illiteracy'. However, photographers and reporters from the popular press did ask for the sign to be placed out of their camera's sights as they could not carry an image so vulgar on their hallowed pages. One reporter told me, when I suggested they let the youth express their sentiments, that it was not his policy, nor even that of his newspaper, but a government policy by the Censors, PEMRA, or whoever rules the various roosts involved.

All I can say to that is: "WHAT THE FUCK!"

You and I have seen umpteen images that are in plain and simple bad taste, displayed on ALL our newspapers - and I am not referring to just the manhoos faces of our politicians that ruin my morning coffee as I plod through the useless ragsheets (which I do merely because of the fact that I really can't take a morning dump without reading a paper). I am talking of all sorts of protest scenes where everyone, from Beardos to Weirdos, is very frequently seen with a placard proclaiming "Death to [insert flavour of the month here]" or demanding that the mob, or whoever will listen, kill someone, somewhere for having said something that has offended the said lout.

This reasoning has me confused! Why is the obnoxious act of incitement to one of the the most violent of acts - murder - or the 4-letter word k-i-l-l, considered ok for the front pages? Why, on the other hand, should a word that has no literal meaning at all within the protest cry of the youth --- a word that could, ostensibly (gotcha, Sab!), in quite another context, signify an act of love --- be so offensive to society? Why should it be acceptable for some maladjusted wart on earth to scream "Kill the President!", but not a jubilant and smiling 20-something to shout "Screw the President!"... ? Although the raisers of former slogan have insane followers who, in the past, have taken the call literally enough to attempt the ghastly deed, I am sure that most would consider the latter phrase a mere empty threat.

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By the way, the F-word did manage to establish legitimacy during the dotcom boom/bust days through a website that reported on the companies that floundered.

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Having spent 25 years at sea, and as you may have gathered from the above paragraphs, I am no prude, specially when it comes to the matter of using language. After all, there's very little that could make a sailor blush.

So, I guess, you'll just have to call me old-fashioned, when I say that I found offensive The Daily Telegraph's use of unbecoming language for Pakistan's President (yes, the same chap whom I criticize, because I feel I have a basic right to do so - but that's an internal matter, as the President would agree). I had heard the same remark a couple of years ago on Fox News - but I was not expecting to see it in a UK paper. I guess times change.

In contrast, despite the well-deserved contempt that Bush - genuinely a Son of a Bush - is held in by our vernacular press (as by every decent human being in the world), I have yet to see in print anyone calling him what he really is.

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All this is not to say that I am going soft on Mush. How could I? Even those who manage to find some outlandish arguments in his favour must smack their foreheads each day as he comes up with yet another inexcusable law, ordinance, or pronouncement. Today, it was the news story about the amendment to the army act that sent a tremor through the nation. Where will all this end? Will times get worse for true patriots under this local version of the Patriot Act?

Years go, a great mind got it right:

Election Commission issues Guidebook

Scoop of the Century!

On a recent visit to the Karachi Freepress Club I noticed a pile of newspapers hidden in the corner. Enquiries revealed that The Daily Noise - the one with the motto, "All the news that fits, we print!" - had brought out an edition on the morning after the President's address to the consterNation ... but it got banned and could not be distributed. Reporters sneaked a few copies for their posteriors posterity. I have photographed one since KFC would not allow me to take one away (Chicken, you think?).

Here, then, dear readers, a Collector's Edition - typos and all - just for you! (Tell 'em you read it here, first!)

A long night and a riot of memories ...

Two nights ago I lay down and listened to some old müshaaerees - as Asghar Bhai (Reminder to myself: I need to do a Podcast on him soon!!!) and I used to call the little impromptu sessions we held at my house in the post '71 days. The following couplet from Athar Nafees's amazingly poignant ghazal seemed so relevant after having spent the day thnking about the General's latest faux-ly:

dam-ba-dam ba∂h rahee hae yeh kaesee sadaa
shahr vaalo süno
jaesay aae dabay paaooñ saelé balaa
shahr vaalo süno

I stopped the tape right there and whisked out an old vinyl of Julie Felix to hear, after a really long while, that beautifully powerful voice sing just this verse].

And then I went nuts - shunting between the protest songs of the 60s and 70s (Seeger, Dylan, Baez, Zappa, Joplin) and the Urdu poetry recitals from Müshaeraas and Müshaaerees. I revelled in the voices of:

Jalib:

Aesay dastoor ko, sübhé bay-noor ko,
maeñ naheeñ jaanta, maeñ naheeñ maanta

(On Pakistan's constitution)

Majrooh:

Jalaa ke mish'alé jaañ, ham jünooñ sifaat chalay
Jo ghar ko aag lagaaey hamaaray saath chalay

and the lilting ghazal tüm say ziyaadah that is one of his most popular pieces.

Süroor:

Ham to shaaer haeñ, ham sach naheeñ boltay
(A brief nazm that is also part of his commercially released album).

Zaidi:
Maeñ raat aesay jazeeray mayñ tha jahaañ müjh ko
Har ayk talkh haqeeqat milee gümaañ ki tarah
(Along with Professor Shoor Alig's "Mayra Maahaul", this nazm tells it like it is!)

Vaheedah Naseem:
Abhee to aashiaanay jal rahay haeñ aatashé gül say
Sabaa yeh aag daaman tak teray laaee to kyaa ho ga?
(How many today recall her Ayub-defying political verses? or have even heard of her? The aatashé gül phrase is a reference to Ayub's election symbol - a Rose - and the fiery rampage his son, Gohar, created in Karachi to celebrate that dictraitor's victory ... an incident also captured inimitably by Faiz in two of his very moving pieces.)

and the two wonderful Mohsins:
[M] Bhopali:

Güzray thay isee tarah kabhee daar say khüd bhee
Daykhayñ yeh khayaal aap ko kab tak naheeñ aata

(A shayr he had addressed to Bhutto when, as Martial Law Administrator, ZAB had started arresting dissidents. Mohsin Bhai later dropped reciting this shayr, saying that the 'daar' reference made it painful after Bhutto was hanged.)

[M] Ehsan

Faqeehé Shahr nay kaaghaz ki kashtiaañ day kar
Samandaroñ ke safar par kiyaa ravaanah hamayñ

and, of course, Faraz, reciting his superb classic, Mohaasirah:

Meray ghaneem ne müjh ko payaam bhayja hae
(Uff. Who could listen to this amazing bit of poetry then, without wanting to be part of the heroic defiance it portrayed?)

Maybe I shoud digitize some of these and provide audio links to this post soon? Is there enough interest?

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Oh ... here's the opening shayr of Shoor Sahab's nazm, in case some of you are unfamiliar with the works of that radical poet:
Payambar Ahraman-zaadoñ say larzaañ haeñ jahaañ maeñ hoon
Yahaañ Laat-o-Habal kaa'bay ke darbaañ haeñ jahaañ maeñ hooñ

PEACE!

Installation Art?

Is this in abeyance, too?

Oath of Members of The Armed Forces
[Article 244 of the Constitution]

(In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.)

I, ____________, do solemnly swear that I will bear true faith and allegiance to Pakistan and uphold the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan which embodies the will of the people, that I will not engage myself in any political activities whatsoever and that I will honestly and faithfully serve Pakistan in the Pakistan Army (or Navy or Air Force) as required by and under the law.

May Allah Almighty help and guide me (A'meen).